10 August 2006
For a couple of months, I've been experiencing what most of us have gone through - whether we admit it or not - a really down & out feeling that's been tagged by the pharmasuetical companies as depression. Rather than latch on to that tag (which would probably result in screaming down the streets in search of the latest antidepressent), I would much prefer to think of it as a semi-pause in the process of living.
Everything in life has an opposite - there's life and there's death - no, come to think of it, as a Christian - there isn't death other than death of the life we now know - but then I digress.
Okay - another tact. There's good and there's bad...well, I think you get the idea. Going down road (which I admit, sometimes it's a really rough ride), you can either choose to live - or choose that semi-pause. And I chose to dwell for too long in the semi-pause.
Everything - and I mean everything - was subject to a short fuse and a really bad reception. I don't think I need to state the obvious - it was wearing thin.
Now I am a big believer in there-is-no-such-thing-as-coincidence. You can call it whatever you like - but I call these revelations a nudge from the Holy Spirit. Christian or not, we all have our failings - and I was experiencing lows like I never have had before. Okay - so maybe that last statement is slightly exaggerated.
Okay - back to the nudge. While feeling particularly low - and to be precise, it was just at the beginning of this week - I felt the nudge. Blessings. Blessings. Blessings.
That word was coming out of somewhere - and then I proceeded to argue. Ever seen someone argue with what appears to be themself? Quite amusing, I'm sure. Blessings? You have got to be kidding. I have just received yet ANOTHER tasking at work...I've developed occular migraines...I have a ganglion cyst next to my wrist bone that hurts like heck...and the list grew and grew and grew. Let me give you all a simple piece of advice: Do not waste your breath arguing with the Holy Spirit. It's one big waste of time. You can't win - you can't even call it a draw. For every argument I presented, it went from Blessings to finally - What About Those Blessings.
Next thing I knew, out came the pen and paper and the blessings flew out left and right. Rather simplistic, I know. Finally, the list was complete - at least for that particular moment in time - and after reading the list, I felt better. No - not just better - but alive and the semi-pause was gone. Such a simple list!
I have a husband who pats my knee and says "I love you" - even when I'm at my worst
We have a daughter and son who each found their soul mate, married and gave us the biggest gift ever: grandchildren!
Both my husband & I bought bicycles and when we go out for a ride, I feel like I'm a teenager again
I live in a one bedroom apartment with my beloved and from the living room, we have a spectacular view of the sun rising view of the sun rising
I have a family that will always be there for me
I have a job that allows me to take off even if it's spur of the moment (okay, so maybe not if there's this huge suspense looming and I need to get it taken care of...)
I have produced a document or two that others use as a benchmark
I can afford to eat out periodically (as my weight can testify...)
I work with people who admit I'm not bad to have around (especially when I take a detour to the donut shop on the way in to work)
And there were a few other items on the list, but in the interest of preserving what dignity I have left, I think I will skip sharing those....
So when you allow life to present you with a semi-pause and you find yourself thinking gray skies when it's absolutely beautiful outside - BLESSINGS. Count them every day if you have to.
Maybe you'll only do it once - but maybe it'll be enough. Just frame those words, okay?